Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
