Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
