His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
