I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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