i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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