I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize