What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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