I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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