There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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