nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
