i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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