The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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