I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
