This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
