She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she smelled like a LAN party
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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