I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
