I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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