Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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