Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize