just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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