dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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