i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
