It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
