How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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