lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
