Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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