Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
