Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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