you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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