So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
