I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
