I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
