ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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