dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
