so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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