I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
