I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
