so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
