Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize