you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
