I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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