is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
