The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
