Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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