I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
