I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
