Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
