did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need moral support for this bender
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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