i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just pee around me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
