the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
