office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
PANTIES FOUND
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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