My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize