I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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