Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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