do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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