We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize