you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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