If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
