U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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