you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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