Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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